I F . W A L L S . C O U L D . T A L K . . I ' M . S C R E W E D .

LMFAO

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Two ghosts met and were chatting about how they died.

1st Ghost:
How did you die?

2nd Ghost:
I froze to death.

1st Ghost:
How did it feel like being frozen to death?

2nd Ghost:
Actually, I was stuck in a refrigerator.
Initiall, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze.
Later, I felt the whole world was dark and I died.
It wasn't that bad, not too much suffering.

1st Ghost:
How pitiful...

2nd Ghost:
How about you then? How did you die?

1st Ghost:
Oh, I died of a heart attack.

2nd Ghost:
What caused the heart attack?

1st Ghost:
Actually, I found out that my wife was having an affair with another man.
One day, when I came back from work, I saw a pair of man shoes outside my house.
Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife.

2nd Ghost:
Oh, and the heart attack hit you?

1st Ghost:
No. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone.
I was determined to find where that bastard was hiding.
So I searched the toilet. No there.
I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom. The mother fker was not there.
I ran back upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing.
Ran back down again to search all the cupboards downstairs.
Because I was too angry and tired from all that running, I got a heart attack and died.

2nd Ghost:
Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge?
If you did, both of us would be alive now!

Wahaha....

It's 2 weeks into term 2.
Had Parents Meet Teachers on Friday.
Left me severly traumatised..

When you have a good class and consequently very enthusiastic parents..
39/42 of them will jump at the chance to meet you..

As a result, you're faced with almost 9 hours (8:00am to 5:00pm)
non-stop of conversations.

At the end of the whole day,
your legs are numb,
eyes are blur and watery,
throat is sore,
and your own voice sounds more like a distant ringing.

Very very bad.

This is what my after school schedule is like from the last post till May.

Monday:
Supplementary Lesson

Tuesday:
Drama Practice (the unavoidable arrow that I tried to deflect but came back!!)
CCA

Wednesday:
Remedial

Thursday:
Drama workshop that I'm attending

Friday:
Swimming lessons for my class

Coupled with other school projects (WOW and DLL), and random admin stuff..
Which leaves me ZERO afternoons to sit in and mark my shit!
That means what? Bring home to mark lorh.

Direct consequences? Negative index on social life and health.
This sore throat / cough that I've got already plaguing me for 2 weeks.

EAT MEDICINE UNTIL I TULAN.
I have gone back to taking chocolates and unhealthy crap.
Still the ancient method of yi3 du2 gong1 du2 (fighting poison with poison) best.
You will get well eventually. And don't need to suffer at all!

So that's me, dying on my end.
Things also taking a slight downturn for SpeedyWeedy.
Economy slow, people don't want to buy machines.
He's stressed for sales figures.
Which leads to much emo-ness.

It was pretty bad for a couple of weeks when we were both very impatient.
With everything else and each other.
But the lesson learnt is to take a look at life in each other's shoes.
If you think I'm the workaholic and kancheong type -
he's like much worse than me.
So, must remind him to chill often and not lose his temper so much.
And to be patient when he does.
I also have to be appreciative when he goes out of his way to help me with stuff.
E.g. sending me to school and picking me up, dinner treats :)

Though I still hate it when he undermines the amount of stress that I'm facing too.
The fact that it's a "fixed pay civil service job" doesn't mean that I don't face pressure.

It's precisely why I feel irritated sometimes..
Because with the effort and hours that I'm spending and willing to spend on WORK -
I am very sure that I will be striking it rich somewhere else in another industry.
Think about it, if MOE pays overtime pay - I WILL BE ONE VERY MONEYFUL CAT.
7am - 7pm days everyday is seriously no joke laaaaaa.

MaoZeeMoo and oOSpeedyzOowill remain stagnant at 17x
until this whole work crisis blows over.

Oh. Yah.

MAOZEEMOO IS EGG-ED!!!

26TH APRIL @ 4:57 am

Special thanks to xvbeevx o0renfu0o alloo29..

If that day you all didn't come -

I think batch cmi again cos of many ppl dc =\

And extra special thanks to Muaa1987 @ oOSpeedyzOo

who tong all the way :)

x3 x3 x3 x3 x3 pikachu x3 x3 x3 x3 x3 x3

Ok. Now must go back to work.
To finish by today.

1. All materials for P1-P4 Rhythm Training package
(wish me luck, seriously)

2. Publicity poster for WOW camp

GO MAO!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 11:41

Alive and Kicking (though weakly)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Long neglected. Very very bad.
So while I'm on MC today..

Here are some updates on Mao's life (or lack of).

Edit:
After typing out all the so-called updates,
I just realised that they ALL REVOLVE AROUND WORK AND DEADLINES.
What the fuck is this?!??!!!?!

1. W0W Task Force

I hate using the word "basically"..
But due to lack of better choices for words -
BASICALLY this is a sch project to increase our students' "exposure to the world".
P1 and P2 (SEA culture)
P3 (Blogging and email)
P4 (Can't remember)
P5 (Malacca trip?)

The highlight of this this year would be an inaugural camp at the end of the year,
conducted for the P6 kids after their PSLE. Long way to go yes.
But which also means extended planning and consequently -
LONG TERM PAIN AND SUFFERING.

We will also be inviting guest participants from foreign system schools
(aka international schools) in a bid to have our kids interact with these ANG MO LANG.

Ultimate goal (personally, as far as I can see at this point):
To get media coverage and gain publicity for the school.

Unorthodox objective disguised in a very noble facade.

I foresee that the other P1-P5 plans will be subtly swept under the carpet.
Cos this planning thing for the camp will keep everyone sufficiently busy.
And guess who is the "overall coordinator" _|_

Say till so nice, in the end is still just a big arrow right?
The first draft of the camp itinerary and division of workload took me 3 days.
Imagine how much of marking / lesson planning / resource creation I could have done?

This is why I feel like we're losing sight of the CORE BUSINESS.
And that makes me very very unhappy being part of this "system".

2. Digital Languag3 Lab

Cannot reveal much because apparently "confidential".
This is an interest area to me because it involves designing a game :)

But the workload is also like knnnnn bitch -_-
Will confirm make me work like a dog.

Next deadline is 23rd March.
Must do 2 unit plans and how the themes are going to fit into the game environment.
Haven't started. Die.

3. Science Centr3 Drama Festival

Must come up with 5-7 minute performance involving 30 cast and crew.
Theme: Outer Fucking Space

Tried to worm my way out of this one.
But was told, "This one will be in April, can finish fast. Get it over and done with."

But if it's a "get it over and done with" thing - then does it even need to be done?

4. ENGLISH SA1 Setting
Finally it's my turn.
To come up with torture tools.
Muahahaha!
Hallelujah it's not raining men.
But I've finished this already.
So ONE clear.

5. As1an Y0uth Gam3s Opening Cermony

This one make me super tulan.
In Dec that woman in charge told me need 60 kids from our school to take part.
I told her 60 very tough cos there are alot of other projected commitments.
She said it's ok.

Then last week her email come say need 100 FUCKING CHILDREN.
Must be AT MOST 1.2M TALL (in other words P3 kids and P4 midgets)
Must have MUSIC AND DANCE BACKGROUND (virtually non-existent in my sch)
Wah... I suffered panic attack and almost fainted.

Heng heng the HOD for CCA bailed me out of this one.
I think now we no need take part liao, cos the organizers like quite nasty / unreasonable.
Hope it's really cancelled, then I got one less thing to worry about.
Huat ah!!!!

Yes so that's what's been keeping me busy.
It doesn't help that 3A is like a homework-generating machine?
Everyday give me alot of stuff to mark.
And they finish the "prescribed" things so fast,
I need to come up with alot of supplementary materials for them.

Actually I do enjoy this part.
I wish I could do more for them cos they deserve it.
Rather than spend my time doing all those lan sai projects??

For all the meetups that I've missed.
For all the dates that I've pangseh-ed.
I seek understanding from all my dear friends.

At the end of every school day (which lasts from 7am to 7pm) -
I'm just very very glad to be ALIVE.
All I wish is to go home and lead my unsociable and hermitized existence
of eating, sleeping and playing games.

At least for now.

On top of that, I look dishevelled, tired and very unhappy.
Not the best state to meet anyone in.

I do miss all of you.
But if you've heard the Chinese saying..
Heart got extra but strength no enough?

Pardon me and my MIA.
I will try to come back. Soon.

In other news..
Thanks to everyone for your birthday wishes!
Whether it's Facebook / SMS / MSN or whatever.
Very very appreciated :)

LAO NIANG IS NOW
TWENTY-FUCKING-SEVEN YEARS OLD!

HOHOHOHO! TMD!!!

Yes this is all.
Flu med catching up.
Going to do some sleep-inducing marking now.

Bye all bitches!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 10:33

Specially Dedicated to x3c0wc0w

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The purpose of this post is to extend a cordial welcome to x3c0wc0w..

My burning question though.. How did you find ur way here?!
"Random surf the net" ---> What?!?

What You Do When You Have Two Cows
(Taken from MapleSea Forums, unsure of source)

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and bought a baby bull.
Nurse and feed it well;
They mate, your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You invest & kept the gains into the country reserve,
You sell them and everyone retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows,
Then re-mortgage the investment the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise,
The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets,
No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cow's ...... ?
Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died,
You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ???
Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market !

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them
World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month,
and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch..

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them..
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that
comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

And last but not least,

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".

mao told everyone to shut up @ 12:36

Considerate Man on Bus

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Was on Bus 225 from school...

And the timing was semi-peak hour so rather crowded..

Just as I was cursing and swearing about how I had to stand

while carrying a laptop and a marking load of approximately 20tons -

I spotted live entertainment at close proximity.

This guy was picking his nose.

I got nothing against picking noses. We all do it right.

But this guy here definitely needs some lessons..

1. "Private" actions should be done discreetly..

Enthusiasm, fervour and rigour can be applied to many things.

But nose picking is not one of them.

Especially not on a public bus.

2. It is not necessary to continue digging for more than 8.5 minutes non stop.

From where I boarded to interchange is zhunzhun 8.5 mins.

And I'm very sure he already started digging before that lahhh..

Started to suspect that maybe there were cockroaches living in his

dark, bottomless cave of a nostril and he was trying to excavate them.

If that's the case, I would recommend this as a much more effective solution.

And wait. It doesn't end there ok.

3. Pisai does not contain much nutritional value.

It is just atmospherical dirt trapped in your nose subsequently solidified by mucus.

Mucus itself probably has a little carbohydrate content.

But the primary composition of snot is dirt. Should not be ingested.

Yes, this is what you think it is. He fucking ate his pisai!!!

To describe what I saw, this uncle dig finish his nose liao -

drag his finger downwards to the area above the lip..

And then licks it with his tongue ~~~~!!!!!!!!!!

OH LORD HELP US..

IT'S REALLY TOO FUCKING GROSS FOR WORDS.

And just when you think it can't get any worse.

Once in a while he will extricate his finger from his nose,

and remove whatever is caught in the fingernail USING HIS TEETH.

Then he will use his front teeth to do small chewing actions..

Is he very hungry?

My only conclusion is:

He's too considerate to wipe the pisai on to the window or seat.

So he decided to dispose of his own biodegradable waste by eating it!

What a Considerate Man!

You really have to SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT. HOLYYYYY FKKIIING SHIIIIT!!

The whole episode was just so appalling but yet so fascinating at the same time.

I actually discreetly took a video of about 25 seconds,

but it can't be seen clearly at all so I shall not post it.

And you know what's the best part.

Considerate Man was wearing a Cold Storage uniform.

Think about the last time you ate a fruit from Cold Storage.

Think about who could have laid his grubby paws on it.

I'm the type that is too lazy to wash fruits thoroughly before eating.

Witnessing this incident is indeed life-changing.

From now on I shall abandon my concept of "just rinse".

mao told everyone to shut up @ 09:37

Busy busy busy...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What else right.

So far it's 2 weeks of extreme emo-ness for me..

Happy with my P3 level colleagues.

Glad that we're all on the same frequency and click well.

If this is going to be a good year it will be because of them.

Apprehensive with being A class form teacher.

Everyone thinks it's an easy task cos they're well behaved and all.

But not all realise that there is a different set of challenges to

teaching a bunch of smart kids.

This brings me back to something I said to them:

If you think u're too smart for your pants - take them off.

Fucking irritated with people who make my effort not worthwhile.

Very long story that I really don't feel like sharing lest it destroy my mood.

But I hate it that I put in alot of hard work trying to make something work.

Yet things don't turn out as expected because someone else cannot deliver

the part that is expected of him in order for things to run smoothly.

The result - waste of time for the one who honestly tried her best.

Ok fine. FUCK U, YOU NBCB FUCKING FUCKER TA!

There. Much better.

On the other hand - very touched at moments that make everything worthwhile too.

Just today I was delivering a music lesson on "cover versions".

And the song that I chose for my kids to learn was "Fly Me to the Moon" -

Frank Sinatra song covered by many e.g. Michael Buble and Westlife.

They enjoyed it a lot, but I noticed that a good half of them deliberately

skipped the part where it says "baby kiss me" and "I love you".

After some pep-talking about "love" -

and how it includes love for siblings, parents, friends etc...

I was very pleasantly surprised that on the last run of the song,

EVERYONE participated wholeheartedly :)

And practically shouted out the "I love you" parts, complete with actions all.

That was just damn super cute laaa hhahaha!

Quite upset cos it's another 11 months before long holiday season.

Very unhappy and dissatisfied with waking up at 530 every morning.

And being able to play games or watch crunchyroll till late..

TMD!

This is a video that I saw on Jossticks -

a blog that I've been reading for past a year

Very beautiful :) Do watch all the way to the end!

The only thing I didn't quite like was the violin playing at the end..

So drama that it spoilt that whole air of simplicity about the lead actress.

And wassup with the wind-blown hair effect man haha..

Closed door auditorium leh, roof leakking arh..

(It only made more sense to me when I realised it's a Pantene advert)

Ok gonna eat dinner.

Toodlies all.

mao told everyone to shut up @ 20:56

Make sure no one around u when u click 'PLAY'

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

There there there.. I found it..

Be sure to watch all the way to the end man..

Supremely funny right!??!?

My Yeti Horn... And Pepe Beak!!

*Deranged screaming*

You fucking hackers!!

LMFAO!!!

I was watching this on my lappie at Parkway McDonalds..

Chio ka lao sai I tell u..... Hohoo!

And all these people were staring..

There was one kid, even came to see what I was looking at..

Anyway patch has been extended till 4pm today. As expected.

Come let's start placing bets whether at 4pm they will extend till 6pm..

If 2x as normal today then uncle muaa will be able to reach 170.

Currently 91% tnl.

4% per hour with 2x.

2% per hour without (totally sad balls)

First hour of 2x: 91% to 95%

Second hour of 2x: 95% to 99%

Half an hour without 2x: 99% to lvl

That means 2.5 hrs!! Which is quite easy..

New not-game-related news.

Maomao has been efficient at homework for once!

Remember that SYNTHESIS PACKAGE that I was 1/3 way through?

I actually finished doing it. Congrats to myself.

It's a fat and damn solid package that is confirm

better than any the world has every seen.. Hohohoho!

I own you!

I own your mum!

We own your mothers!

You don't own ours!

*Hysterical screaming*

WAHAHAHHAHAAHAH!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 14:01

Old but classic..

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Think alot of u mother fkers already familiar with this very-not-new thing..
Enjoy anyway this version damn cute haha..

Ok. Right. As you can see. I've made editions to my orange darling.
<- - - - - updated the links
Revamped the whole playlist - - - - - - - ->
This has cost me 1.5 hours which should have been spentDOING MY SYNTHESIS PACKAGEof which I'm only 1/3 way through.

Your Royal Highness is very happy now and in the mood to start kpkb for the day.

Now is already 10:22 am and SpeedyWeedy is STILL SLEEPING.He's supposed to be in the office by 8: 30 hor!
One thing I don't understand about men.
Before they have a girlfriend, the alarm clock works fine.After they have a girlfriend, alarm clock is no longer effective.Need girlfriend to morning call.After they get married it's even worse.Wives must resort to physical violence and verbal abuse to wake them up!
Am I the only one facing this problem????
Since when was it my responsibility to be stressed about getting you to work in time!
If you know u freaking cannot wake up - Then don't choose those late ka lao sai HT batch!
Angry angry angry angry angry...... GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 08:54