I F . W A L L S . C O U L D . T A L K . . I ' M . S C R E W E D .

HORRIFIED

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Just by chance, I stumbled on an old photobucket album.

Old photographs and lots of memories from 2004 and before..

Some happy, some a bit tear jerking.

And some horrific.

And I'm not horrified by what I saw.

I'm horrified because they made me realise -

HOW OLD AND NOT-CUTE I HAVE BECOME!

If you don't believe me then scroll down and see.

If I were to do this now, it would just be horrendous.

And I know because I actually took a pic to do the 'before-after' effect.

Too nightmarish and I don't dare to post.

So cute! No make up! Ugly specs!

But it looks so cute I'm actually amazed!

Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Stupid looking. But yes, again. SO CUUUUUTE!

And the best one of them all...

HAHAAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 17:49

The Big Move

Sunday, November 1, 2009

So..
Today I made the grave decision, and executed a drastic move..
Deleting all my current students off my FB friend list.

One by one.

The ones that I don't really know - click 'x'
The irritating ones - click 'x' (happily)
The darlings - I feel really bad. But.. click 'x'.. Sniffle..
The genuinely mature 'actually can stay' ones - click 'x' (sorry, but 12 still underaged to me)

If any of you chance upon this blog post in years to come,

please do know that I've extricated you not because I dislike you.

Well, not all of you anyway.

It's just that outside of my 'teacher' role,
I think I need some time as my real self.
Even if it's only online.

It's bloody irritating to have to pretend to be someone I'm not all the time.

Sorry, but there's just a side of ur dear teacher that she
doesn't actually want you to see. Yet. Haahahaha..

Anyway, I've discovered new good shit on Youtube.

Go and search for the 'Peter Chao Time', or for the user pyrobooby.

Super offensive, but.. I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike..

Totally my kind of crappy and crude humour.

This guy in no way portrays my own personal stand,
and I don't actually with agree with some of the things he says.

But - he's just super hilarious.. U need to watch it to understand.

Until next time..

CHAO OUTSIDE, MUDDAFUCKAS!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 22:15

When your job really becomes a burden...

Monday, October 19, 2009

This post on FaceBook got me all fired up and in the mood for kpkb-ing.
What a fantastic way to spend Monday that's a supposed "off-in-lieu" holiday.

To start off, I detest people who do the "but you're a teacher!" thing on me.
So you think that just because I'm a fucking teacher, I'm not allowed to swear.

Just because we're fucking teachers, we're not allowed to smoke/drink/club,
or engage in behaviours that are generally perceived as 不良少年-ly.

Just because I'm the one marking your homework and grading your tests
means I'm not entitled to my own life back at home, and acting silly in public.

I say, fuck you.

What rubbish.

To put it in perspective.
Just because porn is considered taboo..
Means president not allowed to have sex???

Siao or what.

Ok maybe this comparison is a little bit far fetched.
But this is a moment where I feel that teaching is really a profession like no others.
You carry the expectations from work with you all the bloody time.
Not only is it very tiring, it's terribly unfair!

I agree that being a role model in terms of morally upright behaviour is important.
Perseverance, integrity, compassion for others yada-yada.
I preach it, and as far as I can, demonstrate it.

But doesn't educating them also include making them more street wise.
Having a better understanding of what the real world is like?
As you can see, the other highlighted description..
Preparing for the challenges in life.

So you think in real life, vulgar words only exist in movies?
Sorry. No.
Smoking is only for REALLY bad people.
Sorry. No.
All people for drink and club lead are decadent.
Sorry. No.

In real life, people are always nice to each other like how you're told to learn harmoniously together in class. Sabotage, disagreement, quarrels are all fiction. Unfortunately, not..

As a student, I wouldn't be so convinced if my teacher were to tell me..
"It's wrong to scold people KNNBCCB."
The more you tell me not to say, the more I'm going to say it.
WRONG = COOL and therefore WRONGER = COOLER STILL!

Just a few months ago, one of my class boys was caught during PE.
"KNNBCCB!" at a friend because of a ball game.
I told him to write down what he said.
And explained to him syllable by syllable what it meant.
The look of embarrassment on his face,
and how he cried remorsefully and kept apologizing without any prompting.
I knew he'd definitely think twice before saying it again.
And many years later WHEN (not "if") he does use it again,
at least he'll be using it on someone who really deserves it.
Cos he's understood why it's bad to use it any old how!

The way I see it, it's not about stopping them or pretending these things don't exist.
Then you're lying to them!! Isn't it worse?!?!?

So if we're not supposed to lie to them,
then why must I pretend to be something I'm not!

I shall declare loudly and proudly.

MISS MAO MAO CHONG
SWEARS MORE THAN YOUR MOTHER, FATHER,
GRANDFATHER, GRANDMOTHER, UNCLES AND AUNTIES.
COMBINED!
FUCK YOU ALL!!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 15:49

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Improving My Life 101

1. Step down from position of "Music Coordinator".

Because I'm technially not qualified.
And I'm not even getting more $ for all the sai-gang.
Although I've got ideas for tons more initiatives,
I think it's not worth implementing and pushing for them
in an environment that will not appreciate it.
Only gena curse and swear by ppl for imposing stuff on them.
Please lor, even make you do 5 minute survey also tio. What the fuck.

2. Prime work concern should always be my students. STUDENTS.
Their learning and welfare should take precedence over all other things.
Remedial vs Boring-and-supposedly-important Event?
I will go for Remedial of course.

3. Be involved only in DLL project in 2010. Keyword is only.
I'm going to be using up to 1.5million dollars of other people's money.
Yea including yours since you're also a taxpayer.
I'm sure you also don't want me to compromise on YOUR money
by losing focus to other projects right?

4. Actively exhibit my proficiency in kaopeh kaobu-ing if anyone attempts to
shove me anything non-inclusive in above stated #2 and #3.
KPKB-ing and being caustic have always been my fortes.
I must unleash them in their full glory and do justice to my god-given talents.

5. Withdraw from my current state of hermitization.
I can count with my fingers the number of social gatherings I've gone for this year.
Yes. With my fingers. And like most normal people I only have TEN.
And the number of friends whom I regularly meetup with -
has dwindled to.. Hmm... 4 (recently 3, because has's posted overseas)..
This is causing severe inequilibrium to my mental wellbeing.

6. Take up pole-dancing. Dead serious about this one.
If I become reasonably good at it, I will try to convince (read: coerce)
Mr. E to install a pole at our new place when it's ready.
Wahahaha! Everyone please support me in my cause!
Call 1900-VOTE-FOR-POLE now!
Callers under 18 please seek parental consent.

7. Find more constructive games to play.
Anyone got any to recommend.

mao told everyone to shut up @ 15:16

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY

Let's examine this grossly and inhumanly abused greeting that is
subjected to excessively inappropriate misuse every 1/365 of a year.

We start with HAPPY.

"Teacher's Day" concert which involves sabotaging teachers on stage doing assorted pointless shit. Just to quote a few examples: Doing "the twist", playing "Don't Forget the Lyrics" to teeny bopper pop songs that you never even knew existed. Result: Trauma and embarrassment. Hello, the show's supposed to be FOR us, not ON us.
Ex students who come back to school for a display of their ah lian / ah beng behaviour, fashion parade of their tattoos, enlarged earholes, tongue piercings etc... Massive show of undesirable behaviour. All on the pretext of "visiting" their teachers. And they actually think their teachers feel proud of them for the trash they've become. Fail.
One day "holiday" which involves tons of marking. And when I say "tons", it's not actually alot. It's a set of 44 compositions. 1 set of maths test, 2 sets of english revision papers. It could have been worse if I actually managed to bring back the maths books on my desk.
To add on to point #2, there's also editing of the Speech Day script.

HAPPY? I think not.

Alright. Hopefully TEACHERS' will be more prospective.

To study this, we have to make a list of other roles that we also take on.

Nanny ("My child's tooth is shaky, please take him to the dentist.")
IT experts (Powerpoint is considered super elementary.)
Artists (Some of us must teach art.)
Musicians (Some of us must teach music.)
Performers (Refer to point #1 from previous study.)
Administrators (Commonly understood, needs no explanation.)
Loan sharks (Magazine/newspaper subscriptions, edusave forms)
Nurses ("Teacher, he wants to vomit!")
Counsellors (Assignment answers that involve incest, sluts and stealing underwear.)
Policemen ("Did you have a really good reason to punch him?")
Detectives (Tasked to find lost money, stationery, school uniforms)
Bouncers ("No running down the stairs! How many legs you wanna break?!")
Zookeepers (I have 20 female monkeys in my class. 22 hot blooded male tigers.)
Event organisers (Commonly understood, needs no explanation.)

So technically "teacher" only takes up less than 10% of the job scope.
If you do the statistical calculations, that is an insignificant percentage
to consider this profession as TEACHING.

Seems like the only part I cannot find fault with
about this notion of "Happy Teachers' Day",
is... isss.... *drumroll*.. proudly presenting...
DAY
Well done, DAY!
You rock!
I LOVE DAY!
x3 x3 x3 x3 x3 x3 x3

mao told everyone to shut up @ 08:18

After 21 shots of VSOP + COKE

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Honestly speaking it's 10 vsop + coke,

and 11 coke with enough liquor to make it safe for PG-rating..

Survivor No. 1

KKS, 21

Factfile: Defeated Merlion in Merlion-ing (grand total of 8 times)

Survivor No. 2

Eric Ang, 24

Factfile: Didn't puke BUT kept lao niang up all night.

I know what you're thinking. But no (unfortunately).

He kept complaining about a splitting headache so I couldn't sleep.

mao told everyone to shut up @ 13:09

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The last time I met Wanyu, I think we kind of had this consensus..
That I'm over paranoid about germs and sanitizing my hands.

Watch this video.. And maybe you'll start to see why!!

Sorry it's in the wrong orientation -
I was trying to take it as discreetly as possible.

Also, my 2 megapixel handphone camera isn't really that clear.
But I zoomed in so the horror taking place is clear enough.

If you are so unfortunate that the youtube thing refuse to load,
or you are not patient enough to wait for it to load -
This is what was happening.....

This guy on the bus removed his slipper on the bus..
kiao his ka..
and use his TOES to grip the handrail!

Imagine how many ppl and especially little kids,
are going to be touching the same handrail!!!

So once again, I cannot say it one time too many -

HAND SANITIZER IS YOUR FRIEND !!!

mao told everyone to shut up @ 21:15